


A Cardboard Box

by YouMayKnowMeAsAngel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Kittens, M/M, Marauders' Era, Romance, Sexual Tension, oblivious dorks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-12 11:45:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3332129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouMayKnowMeAsAngel/pseuds/YouMayKnowMeAsAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius has a bad habit of bringing home stray animals. Remus, who is now living in the same flat, can't say no to him. It's not until Sirius brings home a cardboard box of kneazles (cat-like creatures) that things start to get a bit out of hand.</p><p>OR</p><p>In which it takes a couple of kittens to get two idiots to stop dancing around each other, and James is close to snapping under all the sexual tension. Also, Peter has no idea what the hell is going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Honey, I'm home!

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so this was originally supposed to be a one chapter entry for a Magical Creatures Competition based off of the book Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them, but it turned into a full blown idea of I-don't-fucking-know. I plan on writing three/four chapters.
> 
> BUT, since this was originally supposed to be one chapter, there's a lot of information and plot shoved into this first section. So, sorry about that.
> 
> Also, this is mostly schmoop and fluff. I have no dignity.

When Remus opens the front door, he finds a soaking wet Sirius holding a drenched cardboard box. Sirius looks up at Remus through his eyelashes with big, pleading grey eyes.

“No,” Remus snaps, and shuts the door in his face.

“Oh, come on Moony! Let me in!” Sirius shouts from the other side.

James’ head pops up from his Quidditch catalog. “Is that Sirius?”

“Yes, it is, and _I’m not letting you in!_ ” Remus shouts at the door.

Sirius begins to pound his fist against the wooden surface. “How can you be so heartless!?”

Remus ignores him. This happens about once every two months. Opening the door will only lead to horrible things.

James sits up in his seat, giving Remus a curious look over his glasses. “Why won’t you let him in? It’s pouring.”

“Exactly! I’m going to catch hippothermia!” Sirius chimes in.

“It’s _hypo_ thermia, and I’m not letting you in! Use a heating charm if you’re cold!” Remus flips the lock with a satisfying click, and stomps over to the couch so he can pout like the 19 year old man he is. 

Sirius continues to whine like the 19 year old child he is.

James glances at Remus. “Why can’t he unlock the door with his wand? Or apparate?”

“I warded the flat against all that after the last time he came home with a cardboard box.”

And Remus immediately regrets saying that when he sees the excited grin on James’ face. Remus’ eyes widen with panic, and he starts to push himself out of his seat as James rushes towards the door, gangly limbs flying. “James Potter, don’t you dare…!”

Too late. James yanks the door open, and in stumbles Sirius. The soaked moron looks around in bewilderment for a moment, as if surprised to see that he actually made it inside. He throws at glare in Remus’ direction. “You’re _despicable,_.”

Remus flops down on James’ armchair with the air of a man who is very resigned to the events that are about to happen. “James, you’re a traitor,” he says matter-of-factly.

James has the decency to look a bit guilty. “Oh piss off, I’m not a traitor. I just couldn’t help myself.”

Remus points a finger at him. “Then you’re a compulsive traitor.”

“Oh forget him, Prongsy. He’ll lighten up once he sees what I’ve brought,” Sirius says with a manic grin. He looks very self assured.

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Remus mutters to no one in particular. He brings up a hand up to rub at his face, not wanting to see what happens next. 

There’s shuffling, the sound of a box being placed on the ground, and then an excited gasp from James. Remus also thinks he hears the sounds of other little creatures moving about, but he pointedly ignores that.

“They’re amazing!” James squeals, sounding very much like a twelve year old girl. 

Sirius grunts in response, but Remus knows that he’s smiling. The stupid wanker. He probably knows that once James is on board, there’s no way that Remus will have any say in this. 

Remus decides that it’s about time he made his exit, so he tries to quietly get up from his seat and move out of the room while James is busy gushing over whatever’s in the box. He’s halfway across the living room when Sirius clears his throat pointedly, effectively stopping him.

“Hey Moony, don’t you want to see what I’ve brought home?”

Remus straightens, takes a deep breath, and turns around. Sirius is giving him the biggest shit-eating grin in existence. Remus, ignoring the expression, quickly looks his friend over. He’s still drenched in rain water, his wet hair lays plastered against the sides of his face, and the tips of his ears and nose are bright red. For some ungodly reason, he still looks incredibly attractive, and Remus finds himself staring at a droplet of water that slides down his neck and disappears into the collar of his shirt. It certainly doesn’t help that Sirius is also wearing his leather motorcycle jacket, which is sexual attraction personified in Remus’ opinion.

Remus blinks away these thoughts with embarrassment and shame. Noticing someone’s good looks is one thing, but lusting over a childhood friend is another.

He crosses his arms, facing Sirius with a stubborn battle stance. “I have no interest in whatever is in that box. I want it out of this flat by tomorrow.”

James gives him a look of complete heartbreak. “Christ Remus, you can’t mean that!”

Sirius nods along. “Yeah Moony. You’re not the only one who lives here, you know.” He tries to copy James’ look, but fails ultimately with a barely concealed smirk.

“Yes, but I’m the one who’s going to have to deal with cleanup,” Remus growls. 

And yet, he knows that this argument is a lost cause. Why? Because Sirius Black is a lot of things; a cheat, a liar, an ass, and a bit of a slut. At least, those are the things Sirius calls himself. (He uses the term “sexual debonair” instead of slut, but Remus is paraphrasing.) Remus doesn’t necessarily agree with all of those things. Sure, Sirius isn’t above conning someone to get what he wants, but he lives by some strange moral code that usually leads him into doing The Right Thing. He’s not a complete cheat. And while he has lied his arse off on plenty of occasions, he’s truthful where it counts. He sleeps around, but Sirius isn’t known to put out for just anybody. He has some standards, slim as they may be.

However, Remus has to agree with the ass part. Sirius Black is a total ass.

But he’s also a total ass with a strange protectiveness streak. James will always be the mother hen of their little gang—much as he denies the fact—but it was Sirius who had first noticed Remus.

Remus’ first week at Hogwarts had been terrifying. He loved the school on sight, but everything about it was giant and overwhelming. He was toting around a huge secret that involved the safety of the other students around him, so he wasn’t that eager to make friends. Even if he had been, he had a feeling he wouldn’t have known how to go about it. Remus’ “condition” had given him a very introverted life. When he was living with his family he was barely let out of the house. The few friends he did have were pen-pals from overseas, and none of them were very close.

Then Sirius had spotted him sitting alone with a book in the Gryffindor common room, and all that changed.

Eleven year old Sirius had come sauntering over to eleven year old Remus with a sway in his step and mischief on his mind. Sirius smirked at him, and leaned on the side of Remus’ armchair. Only a week in and Sirius had already mastered the act of looking both cool and bored at the same time. He was achieving popularity easily.

“Wotcher, Lupin,” Sirius had said cheerfully.

Remus looked up at him warily. After a moment of silence he realized he was probably supposed to say something, so he tried his best. “Erm, hi Sirius.”

Sirius’s eyebrows shot up high on his forehead. He grinned. Remus noticed that he had very white teeth. “No need to look all nervous, Lupin. Just saying hello to you.”

Remus blushed, and quickly turned back to his book. He didn’t understand why Sirius was talking to him. Didn’t he have a friend? The loud one with the messy hair?

“So, me and James are planning on charming mustaches on all of the portraits in the corridor by Flitwick’s classroom. Wanna help?”

Remus looked up into the brightly mischievous face of Sirius Black. Grey eyes twinkled at amber ones, promising adventure and laughter. Poor Remus was mesmerized by the sight. 

He took a deep breath. “That sounds a bit risky…”

Sirius cocked an eyebrow, a move that would be perfected over the years. “Scared?”

“No,” Remus answered immediately. That was his instinctive response to the word ‘coward’. He was a Gryffindor. He wasn’t scared.

Sirius smirked at him. “Thought so.” He stepped away from the armchair and gave a small wave to James Potter, who was standing by the portrait hole with a small, eager looking blonde boy at his side. James, noticing the wave, returned it with the universal facial expression for “Get your arse over here”. Sirius complied by shoving his hands in his pockets, slumping over, and strutting his way to the portrait hole.

Remus returned to his book. He tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest.

“Lupin! You coming or what?”

Remus jumped a bit, surprised. He looked up to find Sirius staring at him from the open portrait hole entrance, an expectant little half-smirk on his face. James Potter gave Remus a quick once-over from Sirius’ side, then grinned with encouragement. The little blonde boy stared at him, glanced at Sirius and James, then gave Remus a hesitant little smile of his own.

_This is stupid,_ Remus thought to himself, and it was. The whole thing was so very very stupid, and if they expected him to get out of his comfy armchair and abandon a perfectly good book to go off on some dumb prank that would likely end with them all in detention, then they were out of their minds.

The fact that Remus got out of his comfy armchair, abandoned a perfectly good book, and went off on some dumb prank that actually did end with them all in detention just proved that he didn’t posses much sanity himself to begin with.

But, the whole thing had proven something very special about Sirius Black: he’s a big, fat, softie. He had taken Remus Lupin, the heavily scarred and pale little boy who wouldn’t talk to anyone, under his wing. (He’s always denying it. Sirius claims that the only reason he invited Remus along on that prank was because of his “freakish smarts”. And while Remus _had_ found a way to enhance the mustache charm to cover half the castle instead of just one corridor, that wasn’t the point.) Sirius likes adopting things. He likes to make everyone feel important, to feel loved.

Maybe it’s because he never felt important or loved where he grew up. Maybe it’s because James took him under his wing when they first met. Maybe it’s because there will always be a little piece of Sirius that feels alone. And scared.

Whatever the reason, Sirius Black has a habit of adopting things. Remus learned this when they all moved in together.

Moving into the same apartment as James, Sirius, and Peter had not been Remus’ first choice for living conditions when he left Hogwarts. He’d planned on slumming it for a little bit, finding a job that wouldn’t give a rat’s ass whether he was a registered werewolf or part troll, and eventually getting his own place. As usual, his optimism didn’t do anything to affect the actions of the world. He moved from holding house to holding house, motel to motel, dirty bedroom above a bar to an even dirtier bedroom above a strip club. He worked muggle jobs that never lasted longer than a month, since the scars from the full moons always caused him to get fired for “reckless appearances”. He’d ended up sleeping in train stations, alleyways, anywhere that provided the slightest bit of shelter.

Sirius found out about it eventually, and physically dragged Remus into the flat he was sharing with James and Peter. It was crummy; the heater was shit, the furniture had holes and stains, and walking barefoot in the kitchen usually led to some sort of infection.

It was a godsend.

That is, until Sirius brought the first box home. That one had been full of owlets, which were cute until they started to poop everywhere. They were given away easily, and Peter had actually decided to keep one. The next box contained two baby raccoons from somewhere that Sirius refused to say. Those were adorable, and Remus had gone along with it because it was summer and the things looked really tiny and scared. Then they got bigger, as most baby animals do, and they had to be taken care of. Fortunately, there was a very nice old witch who made a living on taking care of non-magical creatures, and she just so happened to be friends with James’ mother. She had taken in the raccoons. After that it had been toads, a stingray, chickens, two fruit bats, and many other strange animals

Remus would refuse them. Then Sirius would give him the Puppy Dog Eyes, and Remus would cave like the wuss he was. It always happened.

Well, except for that one time with the beagle, but that didn’t count because _Remus_ had been the one to find the dog and take him in.

That incident had been between him and Sirius, and he doesn’t want to think about it right now.

He does, however, want to think about his plan for getting out of the room before Sirius can get any closer to him with that cardboard box of his. Already the idiot’s moving towards him, an evil smile on his face as he slowly lifts the box.

Remus starts moving backwards, holding up his hands. “Oh no, don’t you dare. Don’t you _dare_ , Sirius!”

Sirius’ smile grows. He takes another three steps forward. “Don’t I dare what?” he asks innocently.

Remus swallows, looking behind him to see the approaching wall. “Don’t you… If you-“ He turns towards the kitchen. “You know perfectly well what will happen when I see whatever’s in that box!”

“Yeah, you’ll get all flustered and then demand that we give them food and water and all that. So why don’t you take a look?”

Remus shakes his head furiously, glancing at the kitchen door again. “No, especially since you’ve implied that there’s more than one. No way.” Seeing his chance, he makes a break for the door, but Sirius is faster. He jumps in front of Remus and plants himself in the doorway. Remus has to skid to a stop to avoid crashing into him.

Unfortunately, this puts Remus in the perfect position for Sirius to tilt the box forward, showing off its contents. Remus stares, opens his mouth, closes it, stares some more, then purses his lips.

Sirius, wearing the look of someone who knows he has won, grins stupidly. “They’re cute, huh?” he teases.

Remus takes a steadying breath, because they are. They are very cute. And fluffy. And alive. And mewling.

At first glance, they appear to be kittens. Three tiny little balls of fluff rolling around and batting each other into the walls of the box. However, a wizard with a trained eye would know better. These kittens are especially fluffy around their scruffs, giving them tiny little manes. Their tails have little puffs on the tips, like lions’. Their incredibly soft looking fur is covered in spots, and while that may not be too different from one’s average house cat, the spots seem akin to that of a leopard’s. They also seem to demonstrate a sharp intelligence that most magical creatures possess. 

This means that Sirius not only brought home strays; he brought home _magical_ strays.

“Um, Sirius?”

“Yes Moony?”

“What exactly are these?”

“What do you mean?” James asks from behind them, moving forward to take another look into the box. “Haven’t you ever seen a cat before?”

Remus blinks at him. Oh, poor James. Poor stupid James. He can cut a person to the bone with his banter and wit, but he’ll completely miss whatever’s right in front of his face.

Obviously this was something that Sirius had been counting on, because he pointedly doesn’t say anything. In that aspect, he’s just as stupid as James. Surely he didn’t think that Remus would miss the obvious?

Remus turns back to the “kittens”. He addresses James without looking at him. “They’re not cats. Look at their manes and tails. They’re magical.”

James blinks at him. “What?”

Sirius, apparently deciding that the act is over, glares at James. “Oh come on, Prongs! You grew up in a wizard household! Don’t tell me you’ve never seen a kneazle before,” he says with overdone exasperation.

James blinks at Sirius. “What?”

Remus rolls his eyes to the ceiling. “I’ll get the book,” he sighs, and trudges off towards his room.

That announcement is met by groans and protests. Remus isn’t surprised.

“Not the book! Anything but the book!” James moans, his big brown eyes pleading after Remus.

Sirius glares at thin air. “I _hate_ the book.”

Remus shoots a look at him over his shoulder. “Oi! That book has saved your arse many times in the past, don’t insult it!” He’s pretty sure that Sirius just flipped him the bird. Remus smirks to himself. Ah, friendship.

He walks up the staircase in good spirits. (Well, as good as his spirits can get with three kneazles and two idiots in the apartment.) Remus’ room is the farthest one on the left, right next to James’. He stops in his tracks when he reaches it, studying the slightly opened door. 

Someone has been inside. 

Remus freezes, ice running through his veins as he stares at the crack of space between the door and the doorframe. Someone could have snuck in while James and him were downstairs earlier. Sirius and Peter had been out. No one else but him had been in his room this morning, and he had shut the door.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wand, holding it aloft and at the ready as he slowly opens the door. Remus’ heart pounds as he takes his first few steps into his room. At first glance, everything looks normal. All his books and papers and trunks are in their places. His bed is made, his closet door is shut, and today’s Daily Prophet sits on his dresser. However, Remus knows that first looks can be deceiving. He’s the perfect example of that.

Remus takes another deep breath and shuts the door behind him, blocking one exit. He waves his wand out in front of him and mutters a spell under his breath. “ _Homenum Revelio_.” He waits. Nothing happens. No one’s in his room.

Remus lets out a relieved sigh and shoves his wand back in his pocket. He’s being overly paranoid. He probably didn’t shut the door as tightly as usual, that’s all.

But Remus has good reason for his paranoia. There’s a war going on, and he’s playing a part in it. He’d always known that being a werewolf means he’s an outcast, but leaving the warmth and safety of Hogwarts threw that into a brighter perspective. He’s not just an outcast now. He’s a target. They will come after him. In fact, they already have. Several times. Remus knows that seeking help will end badly, if not worse than being caught. With Voldemort and his pack of Death Eaters killing people left and right, why should anyone care if a lowly werewolf dies? After all, aren’t _humans_ more important?

Remus doesn’t really want to argue with that statement. He’d accepted long ago that respect is not a luxury that a person like him can afford. Well, respect from society as a whole that is. He’s found his place with his friends. They’ve stuck by him from the very beginning, and they’ve saved his miserable arse in more ways than one.

There’s also the Order. He’s a comrade there, someone that the others trust. People he cares about are in the Order. Good people. People like Alice and Frank, people like Marlene and Molly. And Dumbledore. The old headmaster had offered him refuge after Hogwarts, a job that came with an inconspicuous flat far away from any sort of trouble. Remus hadn’t accepted. He’d wanted to make his own way, even if that way involved sleeping in train stations.

His friends are in the Order too. James and Lily had been the first to be recruited, actually. Dumbledore had approached them during their seventh year, when they had been head boy and girl. It didn’t take long for Sirius to start getting suspicious about all the times James snuck off. He followed him one day to a meeting—Remus still doesn’t know how—and unearthed the whole thing. Dumbledore recruited him immediately. Remus has a sneaking suspicion that the man had been waiting for Sirius to figure it out by himself. Now that he thinks about it, having Sirius come to his own conclusion about something pretty much ensures that he does whatever it is he concludes on.

As for Remus, Dumbledore had waited. Remus knew about the Order. Sirius and James were sneaky, but he could read them like a book. He was well aware they were off on secret Order of the Phoenix meetings. He just didn’t say anything about it.

Remus stares around his room without really looking at anything. If he’s being honest with himself, he hadn’t wanted to join at first. Yes, he wanted to fight, but being what he was complicated things.

When Dumbledore had approached him, the headmaster hadn’t mentioned the Order at all. Instead, they had a rather long talk about the uses of doxy eggs, the temperament of pet ferrets, and the last prank that Sirius and James had pulled. Somehow, Remus had ended up telling the headmaster that he would do anything to protect those he loved.

Dumbledore had nodded, offered him a sweet, and told him the time and place of the next meeting with a twinkle in his eye.

And that had been it.

Peter had been different. According to him, he had been called into Dumbledore’s office during the last week of school. They had a conversation of some sort, and then Peter became a part of the Order. He didn’t like to go into much detail about it.

The point of the matter is that everything’s happening at once with no warning. It’s all a big, dark, scary mess, and Remus feels lost in it. 

He gingerly sits down on his bed, feeling very alone as he realizes something. There’s a war going on, and him and his friends are right smack in the middle of it.

:

:

:

“I got it!” Remus announces, bounding down the stairs. He waves the little green book triumphantly over his head. 

James and Sirius are kneeling on the floor in front of the sofa. They’re both hunched over the box, cooing at the little creatures inside. They look up at Remus when he comes in.

“That took you forever,” James says. “Thought you forgot about us.”

Remus forces out a small smile. “It took me a while to find it.”

James snorts. “Please. As if you could lose anything in that picturesque room of yours. Everything is so…” he waves his hand around as he searches for the perfect words,”…Parallel to each other.”

Remus rolls his eyes. “Whatever. At least I found it.”

Sirius is frowning at him. Remus quickly looks away. For someone so hopelessly oblivious, Sirius has a strange knack for knowing when something is up. Particularly when Remus is involved.

Remus hurries to their side before Sirius can say anything. He flips through the pages of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ , stopping when he finds what he’s looking for. “Ah ha! Here we go! Right here, see? Kneazles.”

“Let me see that.” James swipes it from him. He squints down at the page. “ _‘The Kneazle was originally bred in Britain, though it is now exported worldwide. A small cat-like creature with flecked, speckled or spotted fur, outsize ears and a tail like a lion’s, the Kneazle is intelligent, independent and occasionally aggressive, though if it takes a liking to a witch or wizard, it makes an excellent pet. The Kneazle has an uncanny ability to detect unsavory or suspicious characters and can be relied upon to guide its owner safely home if they are lost. Kneazles have up to eight kittens in a litter and can interbred with cats. Licenses are required for ownership as (like Crups and Fwoopers) Kneazles are sufficiently unusual in appearance to attract Muggle interest.’_ ” James looks up at Remus. “I don’t remember learning anything about these at Hogwarts.”

Remus takes the book back, frowning down at the page. “We must not have spent too much time on them.”

“Only you would keep all of your old textbooks,” Sirius grumbles. Remus whacks him on the back of the head without looking up from his book.

“Does it say anything about raising them?” James asks, trying to snatch the book again.

Remus holds it out of his reach. “No, it just gives some general information and the M.O.M. rating.” He pauses, dread filling him. “Why?”

James hums, ignoring him and petting one of the kneazles. It purrs and arches its back into his hand.

Remus leans over, peering into the box once more to get a better look at the kittens. They’re tiny things, but they’re very active. All three of them are moving as much as they can in the box. They occasionally try to climb their way out. 

A gray kitten with black spots and a white muzzle makes it all the way to the top of the box, and starts clawing at the cardboard with its hind claws as its front paws hang on with all their might.

“Woah there!” James picks up the kitten, hoisting it into his lap. He looks down at it, and big green eyes blink back up at him. James smiles at Remus. “This one’s a boy.”

“Fantastic. Now put him back in the box before he claws your face off.”

“But Moony,” James whines. He holds the kitten next to his face and sticks out his lower lip in a pout. “He could never hurt anyone!”

The kitten holds still for all of two seconds before he starts pushing at the side of James’ face, trying to get away.

Sirius snorts. “Got yourself an admirer there, mate.”

“Don’t let him run around the flat!” Remus warns, because it’s obvious that’s exactly what the kitten wants to do.

James nods, sticking out his tongue in frustration as he tries to get a hold on the energetic kitten. Remus winces. No, he can’t do this. They can’t do this. How can Sirius expect them to be able to care for and raise three magical kittens when they can barely care for themselves? It’s not going to happen.

He hears chuckling behind him, and he turns to find Sirius holding up another kneazle. This one’s black with slightly blacker spots that are just visible if you look really close. It has big blue eyes that asses Sirius for a moment before taking a swipe at his nose. Sirius laughs and holds the kitten at a safe distance, his signature boyish-half-grin on his face.

The scene warms something deep inside Remus—possibly his liver—and he feels the last of his resolve crumble. He lets out a long suffering sigh. “Christ.”

Sirius, who is fluent in Remus-speak, snaps his head over. “So we can keep them?”

Remus takes a deep breath. “Yes, but only until we can find appropriate homes-“

He’s interrupted by loud cheering from Sirius and James. The two kneazles they’re holding meow along with them. Remus winces, knowing they’re going to get complaints from the neighbors later.

He glances down at _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ , and a specific word jumps out at him. “Oh.”

Sirius and James stop cheering immediately. “Oh?” they both ask at the same time.

Remus stares at the page. “We have to get them registered.”

There’s a moment of silence, and James’ expression crumbles into awkward sympathy. “Oh.”

Sirius looks back and forth between Remus and James. “ _Oh?_ Wait, what? What’s so bad about getting them registered? One of us just goes down and signs a document, right?”

James opens his mouth to explain, but Remus hurriedly beats him to the punch. “Yeah, but we’d have to put down the name of every person living in the flat. That includes me, a registered werewolf. The Ministry isn’t exactly aware of my present living situation, and with the way things are going lately, I might very well be escorted from this apartment if they knew I was here. Not to mention the fact that they would never let me adopt a magical creature.” He lets out a bitter little laugh. “They’d probably think I was planning on eating them as a midnight snack.”

Sirius’ eyes narrow. Remus braces himself for an explosion of anger. Sirius’ reactions to the Ministry’s anti-werewolf policies tend to get a bit violent.

Thankfully, Sirius simply asks another question instead of blowing the roof off the flat. “Can’t we just not put your name down? Hide the fact that you’re living here?”

James winces, running a hand through his hair. “I think that the Ministry’s documents can detect lies,” he says hesitantly.

Remus nods. “They can sense a false signature, a lie, and whether or not the signer is hiding something. It’s actually a very interesting bit of spell work that-“

“It’s stupid is what it is,” Sirius growls under his breath. The little black kitten that he’s holding mewls at him, his feisty temperament turning softer. He rubs against Sirius’ jumper.

Remus studies his two friends. James is stroking his kitten (who is still trying to escape) and glancing up at Remus and Sirius every now and then, as if he’s wary of what’s to come. Sirius is also petting his kitten, but he’s glaring daggers into the carpet.

And Remus…doesn’t know how he feels.

It’s not that he’s not angry about the whole “no werewolves near a population” situation, but it’s a ridiculous thing to get worked up about. People aren’t going to change just because you disagree with their beliefs. That’s not how the world works. 

Unfortunately, Remus’ world revolves around the people he cares about. James and Sirius are pretty high on that list, and they care about him in return. And, apparently, they care about this box of kneazles Sirius found.

So, there’s only one thing to do.

Remus shuts his book with a snap. “Oh, what the hell.”

His friends look up at him.

He smiles. “We’ll just not get them registered.”

James frowns. “But, what if-“

“No buts. We’ll keep it a secret.”

“But, we live near muggles-“

“I said not buts, James!”

Sirius, whose smile is slowly returning to his face, leers at James. “Yeah James, no buts!” He pauses, thinking for a moment. “Well, some buts are ok.” He reaches up and smacks Remus on his behind.

Remus yelps, flushes, and scampers away.

James dissolves into laughter. Sirius smirks at Remus, who is rubbing his bottom and glaring back at him. 

“Oh come now, don’t try to tell me you didn’t enjoy that!” Sirius teases.

“I didn’t,” Remus bites out, “and you can keep your filthy paws to yourself!”

Sirius snorts. “Paws? Really Moony?”

“As if your jokes are any better.”

“Stuff it, Prongs.”

James just laughs again, and places his kneazle back in the box. “Hey Moony, why don’t you hold the other one? I think it’s a girl.”

Remus shakes his head. “No, I’m perfectly find thank you.”

James gives him a look. “Just pick up the kneazle.”

Sirius throws a grin over James’ head. “Yeah, all the cool kids are doing it.”

Remus hesitates a second longer before making his way back over to the box. He blames his curiosity on his weakening sanity as he sinks down to his knees and peers at the third kitten. It’s an orange tabby, with large amber eyes that blink slowly up at Remus. It’s curled up in a corner of the box, its white tipped tail flipping back and forth with an air of laziness. It’s definitely less energetic than its brothers, and that’s what drives Remus to reach in and pick it up.

Remus stares at the kneazle. The kneazle stares back. Neither seems to know what to make of the other one.

Then the kitten mewls, and Remus’ heart melts.

He smiles and holds it close, stroking its soft fur as it purrs and nestles into his chest. _They’re really not so bad once you get used to them,_ he thinks to himself.

The room has gone quiet, and Remus looks up to find Sirius giving him a soft little smile. Remus’ face grows warm, and he quickly looks away.

“So? Whatcha’ think?” Sirius pries, wiggling closer.

Remus, who still can’t bring himself to meet Sirius’ eyes, studies the kitten he holds. “Well, it’s definitely a girl.”

“Admit it, you’re infatuated with them.” Sirius nudges him with his shoulder.

Remus chuckles. “They are kinda cute, once you get past the fact that they’re probably going to poop all over the flat.” He raises his head to give Sirius a small smile of his own. Sirius returns it easily. Remus tries not to concentrate on the fact that their shoulders are still touching, and how Sirius’ eyes are extremely pretty from this distance. The gray seems to have an under layer of blue, especially around the pupil. It’s hypnotic to stare at.

James coughs. “Should I leave you two alone?” He gives them a knowing smirk.

Remus immediately jerks away from Sirius. Somehow, they had started leaning towards each other without his notice. 

Sirius just rolls his eyes, tosses his black kitten into Remus’ lap, and tackles James.

“AGH! No! Sirius! You’re still wet!”

“That’s right, talk dirty to me Prongsy.”

“Don’t tickle me-DON’T YOU DARE! ARGH!”

Remus scoots out of the way of the morons currently rolling around the living room floor, and deposits the two kneazles into the box. He stares down at them. The kneazles stare back. “Welcome. Please don’t scratch up the furniture.”


	2. Werewolves and water don't mix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so remember when I said that this was going to be a three to four chapter thing? Totally lied. I have a feeling that this one is going to be looooong. Like, nine chapters.
> 
> As for this chapter, it's short, it's weird, and it's a filler. Nothing too important or exciting happens in this chapter. Or am I lying again? Hmmm? *taps finger on chin seductively*
> 
> **AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT IS IN THE ENDING NOTES! PLEASE READ IT!**

The fact that Remus is not surprised when he is woken by Sirius bouncing on his bed like a lunatic further proves the fact that his life has not changed at all in the past seven years. It also further proves the fact that Sirius is a complete bastard.

"Come on Moony! Get yo' furry arse out of bed!"

Remus makes a noise that is slightly akin to that of a dying walrus, and pushes his face further into his pillow.

Sirius, not one to give up easily, shakes Remus' shoulders and whoops in his ears. "Come on! Breakfast and tea is waiting in the kitchen! But not really since James and I can't cook and there's no tea but you should still get up because it's the principle of the thing that matters so _move!_ "

"Sirius," Remus grumbles darkly, "if you don't let me sleep, I will kill you in cold blood and feed your body to Mrs. Bloomkin's pomeranian in apartment 3A."

"You wouldn't. That demon spawn is an insult to all dog-kind."

Remus groans. "Just because you can turn into a dog does not mean that you are one. Now kindly piss off."

"Fine then. You asked for it."

Remus listens as Sirius rolls off the bed and marches out of the room. He lets out a sigh of relief, and snuggles down into the bed sheets. He was planning on sleeping in today. He's between jobs at the moment—which translates to "he just got fired again"—so he can afford the luxury of sleep, something that isn't usually available to him.

One of the many pains of being a werewolf is that you rarely get to sleep at night. You miss the night of the full moon of course, and afterwards your bones and joints ache whenever you lie still. During the nights following his full moons, Remus often falls into a fitful sleep of body pain, and doesn't get much rest from it. When the aches fade, Remus finds himself lying awake at night, thinking. He's had a lot to think about recently. He suspects every wizard has nowadays.

Remus is in the blissful dozy paradise between wakefulness and dreaming when Sirius re-enters the room. "God will forgive me for what I am about to do," the moron says heavily.

Remus frowns. What's he talking about now-

"GAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Apparently, Sirius had left to magically enlarge one of the coffee mugs and fill it with ice water. The mug, hovering over Remus' head, has just dumped its contents.

"I WILL _DESTROY_ YOU!" Remus shouts, sitting up in his bed to give Sirius a look of pure blazing furry.

Sirius, who had been laughing, stops immediately. His eyes widen in alarm, and he quickly jumps out of the way as Remus lunges for him. He runs out of the room screeching at the top of his lungs with Remus in full pursuit.

:

:

:

James is having a rather pleasant morning. He holds a kitten in one hand, and a cup of tea in the other. The other two kneazles are exploring the paper and rubbish on the kitchen table. James watches them as he sips his tea, making sure they don't try to eat anything dangerous.

And as always, his peace only lasts for a few minutes. He raises his head to watch Sirius come barreling down the stairs and into the kitchen, his face full of fear.

"The beast is awake! The beast is awake!"

"I told you not to do the water thing," says James as he watches Sirius dive under the table.

"WHERE IS HE?!"

James looks up to see a soaking Remus panting in the doorway. He looks positively livid. "Where. Is. _He._ "

James glances down at the table briefly.

"Ah ha!" Remus shouts, and lunges for the bit of Sirius' leg that's sticking out. Sirius yelps and tries to get away, but Remus is freakishly strong. He drags him out from under the table kicking and screaming. James watches with bored interest.

"Remus! Please, let's think about what you are doing-"

"Oh I'm definitely thinking about it."

"What the—ow! Don't touch me there!"

"You do realize that sounded blatantly homoerotic?"

"Shut up James!" they both snap.

James rolls his eyes and looks on as Remus begins the process of making Sirius' nose disappear with a special hex they all learned in fourth year. James shares a look with the gray kitten he holds in his hands. Mornings are always difficult.

Around a half hour later, James and a disgruntled Sirius sit together at the kitchen table. Sirius keeps rubbing his newly re-appeared nose and shooting dirty looks at Remus, who is frying up some breakfast. After a short discussion it had been decided that the kittens looked old enough to eat solid foods, so Remus had cut up some leftover sausage and served it up in little cups for the kneazles on the table. James watches them closely.

It's really cute how their personalities are apparent in the way that they eat. The gray kitten with the black spots eats his food cheerfully, his little head bobbing up and down. The orange spotted kitten eats slowly and selectively, pausing every now and then to observe her food. The black kitten eats like Sirius—spastically and with no control. Chunks of sausage fly everywhere.

"Remus, I want something to drink," states Sirius.

Remus doesn't turn away from the stove. James doesn't really know why the dork insists on cooking food without his wand. Perhaps growing up with one muggle parent causes muggle-ish habits

"Coffee or tea?" Remus asks.

Sirius makes a face. "I'm appalled that you feel the need to ask that question."

Remus pauses, then rolls his eyes. "Right. You have that thing against tea."

"As any sane person should."

The front door opens, and Peter makes his way into the flat. "Hey guys! I'm back!"

"We're in the kitchen!" James hollers the same time that Sirius shouts, "Nobody's home!"

Peter walks into the kitchen with a smile on his face. "Sorry that I wasn't able to get any of my mum's homemade biscuits. She's getting older, so cooking isn't really something that-" He stops, staring at the scene before him. "Um, why are there kittens on the table?"

"Why is tea considered a drinkable liquid? No one knows, Pete. No one knows."

"Sirius, your hatred of tea doesn't make sense."

"James, I say the same thing about Remus' love for cardigans."

"Please leave me out of this."

"It is leaf juice. Tea is juice from leaves. It is unnatural."

"Is _anyone_ going to tell me why there are kittens on the table?"

"No. Shut up Peter. We're going to talk about how disgusting tea is."

"Padfoot, just because you don't like it-"

"Shut your disgusting mouth."

"Sirius, you don't have to drink it."

"I refuse to hear logic from a man who is wearing a cardigan."

"This is coming from a man who is wearing nothing but boxers with little lightening bolts on them."

"Shut up Prongs. Go drink some leaves."

"Can somebody _please_ just tell me why there are kittens on the table?!"

"You're dreaming, Pete. You'll wake up soon."

"Sirius."

"What?"

" _Sirius._ "

" _Fine._ I found some stray kneazles and we're adopting them. Happy Remus?"

"Surprisingly, I am not."

"Heh. Moony's got you whipped, mate."

"Says the man wrapped around the finger of a ginger."

"I will happily admit that to be true. I like her fingers, and all that they can do."

"Ew! Stop! No, stop it! Don't wink at me! Don't imply sexy times involving Evans! Don't touch me!"

"Peter, can you please remind me why I decided to move into this flat?"

"Um, because we're your mates?"

"No."

"…Because you care about us?"

"No."

"…Because you've got nowhere else to go?"

"Ah. That's it. Thank you."

"No problem, Moony. Hey, we got any biscuits?"

:

:

:

A couple hours later and the boys have moved to the living room. James pets the orange kneazle while sitting on one of the armchairs. She purrs contentedly in his arms. Meanwhile, Remus is magically shredding newspaper and levitating it into a little tub that will act as a temporary litter box. The gray kneazle watches the floating strips of paper with wide eyes. He jumps into the air to bat at them occasionally. Remus lets every other strip float a bit lower so that they the kitten can reach them.

Sirius is lying on his stomach and watching the black kneazle, who's slowly stalking across the floor to where Peter is reading and trying very hard to ignore the kittens. For some reason, he's very uncomfortable around them. Remus suspects it has something to do with the fact that his alternate shape is a rat.

All four boys look up at the sound of the front door opening and closing. Lily walks into the room with a smile on her face, pulling off her jacket and scarf. "Good morning! I have some great news to tell you all and…" She pauses, staring at the scene in front of her.

James gets up and kisses her on the cheek. "Good morning. Have a kitten." He dumps the orange kneazle into her arms.

Lily adjusts herself so that she can hold the kitten close to her chest. The little creature purrs and snuggles in, obviously taking a liking to her. She stares at the ball of fluff for a moment before looking up at James and asking, "Why are there kneazles in the flat?"

"Because Sirius has no self control."

"I can confirm that!" Sirius hollers from his prone position on the floor.

"Wait, how do you know what they are?" James demands, frowning down at Lily.

"Because we studied them at Hogwarts, James."

"Oh."

Lily smiles and stands on tip-toe to kiss him. "I'm so lucky to be dating a big buffoon."

"And I'm so lucky to be dating the smartest witch in all of Britain," James says happily, pulling her close.

"Hey! How come when I knew about kneazles I was made fun of, and when Lily knew about them she gets called 'the smartest witch in Britain'?" Remus demands.

"Breasts and eyelashes, sweetie," Lily tells him with a smile.

James nods in enthusiastic agreement.

"Well I think you're the smartest witch in all of Britain, Moony," Sirius croons, crawling towards Remus.

Remus flicks his wand, and a newspaper page throws itself into Sirius' face.

Lily strokes the kneazle she holds. "So, you guys just decided to adopt them?"

"Yup. They needed a home, and we could provide one," James tells her with one of his heroic grins.

Lily looks worried. "Do any of you know anything about raising kneazles?"

Remus shrugs. "My family owned a house cat. It shouldn't be too difficult."

"Are you sure?" Lily asks, raising an eyebrow.

Remus smiles and gestures around. "I've looked after these three morons for seven years, haven't I?"

"Hey!" protests Sirius, who has finally managed to remove his face from the newspaper. "Do not compare me to a kitten!"

"Would you prefer a pig?"

"Would you prefer a foot up your arse?"

"ACK!"

Everyone in the room turns to find Peter scrambling on the floor to get away from the black kneazle. "It leaped at me!" he cries.

Sirius smirks. "What, scared of a little kitten, Wormy?"

"I told you guys I don't like cats!" Peter gets to his feet and moves to the furthest chair from the kneazle, who gives him the most taunting look Remus has ever seen on a kitten's face.

"They're not cats, Peter," Remus says as he scoops the black kneazle into his lap. The little monster immediately starts trying to get away, his blue eyes fixed on Peter.

Peter huffs, his cheeks pink. "Well, whatever they are, I don't like 'em."

"So this decision to adopt the kneazles was unanimous?" Lily asks pointedly.

"Yup!" James and Sirius chirp while Remus grumbles, "No," and Peter shakes his head furiously.

Lily nods. "Just as I thought. Well then," she leans down and carefully places the tabby kneazle on the ground. "A few things are going to have to change around here if you want to live with three kittens." She nods at Remus. "I see you're making a litter box, but is there a place nearby where we could buy a real one?"

 _"What's a litter box?"_ James mouths at Sirius.

Sirius shrugs.

"Yeah, I believe there's a muggle pet shop around the corner," says Remus.

"That's convenient. Do you know if they can eat solid food yet?" Lily squints at the kittens as if she's trying to visually imagine how old they are.

"Well, I gave them some cut up sausage earlier, and they seemed to be fine with that."

"Alright. If they have any kitten food or something, go ahead and buy that."

Remus blinks in surprise. "Wait, am I going to the store?"

Lily nods. "Uh-huh. You've got kittens to take care of."

"But I'm barely dressed!" He gestures frantically at his flannel pajama bottoms and itchy cardigan.

"Then get dressed!"

"Why can't the others go? They've been doing nothing all morning!"

"That's not true!"

"Pouring water on me doesn't count, Sirius."

"Well it _should._ "

Lily laughs a little. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to need James for a little bit, so he's unavailable."

"Ya' hear that fellas? I'm unavailable." James waggles his eyebrows and draws Lily close.

Lily elbows him in the gut without missing a beat. "And Peter doesn't like cats, so I don't believe he would be too motivated to shop for them."

Peter's head bobs up and down in agreement.

"And as for Sirius, well, he wouldn't know what to buy."

They all look at Sirius, who has magically folded a sheet of newspaper into a paper hat, and charmed it so that it changes color. Noticing that everyone's staring at him, he looks around at them all. "What?"

"So you, Remus, are the only logical choice," Lily finishes.

Remus winces. He really doesn't want to leave the flat today. He's still in a slump from being fired and he doesn't feel like dealing with the outside world. Unfortunately, Lily has a point. If he doesn't go shopping, no one else will. With a heavy sigh, he gets to his feet.

"That's it, Remus! There's my good man!" James cheers.

Sirius looks back and forth between everyone. "Wait, what's happening?"

"Remus is going shopping for kitten supplies at the local pet shop," Lily explains patiently.

Sirius gasps, and sits up on his knees. "Is this the muggle pet shop you mentioned while I wasn't listening?"

"Uh, yes?"

He claps his hands together. "Brilliant! I want to come!"

Remus raises his eyebrows. "Really?"

"Of course! I've never been in a muggle pet shop before! This should be great!"

Remus stares at him. Sirius has a big excited grin on his face, the one that he gets right before doing something fantastic. Remus sighs. "Alright, but you need to get dressed."

Sirius rolls his eyes. "Please. I'm fine."

"No, you're really not," Lily says, glancing down at his lightning bolt boxers. "Those aren't publicly decent."

"You're not publicly decent," Sirius grumbles, but gets to his feet and starts heading towards the staircase. When Lily tells people to do something, they usually do it.

"So what was the good news you were going to tell us?" James asks.

Lily's face brightens immediately. "Oh yes! Alice and Frank just got engaged!" They're going to be married next month, and we're all invited!"

Remus smiles. "That's fantastic! Good for them!"

Peter smiles too, but then frowns as he realizes something. "I'm going to need new robes…"

"Don't bother, it's going to be a very small affair," Lily reassures him.

Remus notices James giving Lily a strange look. He appears contemplative, and a bit worried. His brow is furrowed which means he's thinking about something very hard. It doesn't take long for Remus to guess what.

It's no big secret that James has been thinking of proposing to Lily. Many wizard couples are running off to get married nowadays, but like Alice and Frank, it's usually a small get together with close friends and family members. Remus suspects it won't be too long before James and Lily get married. It's a bit strange to think of it though. Just a few years ago, James was a brash, attention seeking git that ran around the corridors of Hogwarts hexing Slytherins. Lily was the stubborn, slightly haughty girl who hated his guts. And now they're inseparable.

Remus looks up to find Sirius watching James too. His expression is dark. Remus is surprised for a moment, and then he understands. Sirius and James have been best friends for ages. No, not friends, more like brothers. After all, when Sirius ran away from home, James had been the one to give him shelter. James is really all the family that Sirius has left. Getting married might take that away, at least in Sirius' eyes.

Remus wonders if there wasn't a war going on, would things be better? Surely James wouldn't think of proposing so soon. Maybe Sirius would have more of a chance to warm up to the idea. Remus has to agree with him a little bit. He isn't sure he likes the idea of marrying right after getting out of Hogwarts. James and Lily are still very young. Then again, they've seen more things than most people have seen in eighty years of life. Maybe there's something to be said about marrying while you've still got time.

Sirius, noticing Remus watching him, meets his gaze. The two boys stare at each other for a moment. Then Sirius looks away and walks up the stairs to his room.

:

:

:

"So, Alice and Frank are getting married," Remus says tentatively. He's walking down the street to the pet shop at Sirius' side. They're both bundled up against the crisp autumn air.

Sirius grunts in reply.

"…So, that's something," Remus says lamely.

Sirius snorts. "You're as subtle as a dungbomb, Moony."

Remus splutters with indignation. "Well how would you like me to approach the subject?!" He raises his voice to a falsetto. " _James is going to marry Lily and that makes you upset, right Sirius? Let's all pout about it together during next week's book club!_ "

Sirius throws him a glare. "That's not funny."

Remus shuts his mouth with a snap, instantly feeling guilty. He studies the way that Sirius glowers at the ground. His hands are shoved in his pockets, and his shoulders are so tensed up that his neck is hidden.

Remus lets out a sigh, his cloud of breath curling through the cold air. He looks away. "Yeah, I know it's not funny."

And it really isn't. It's not funny that Sirius feels betrayed by his friend's marriage. It's not funny that James is going to propose to Lily so soon because there's a war going on. It's not funny that they've all become a part of something that's too big for anyone to handle. It's not funny that they were all forced to grow up so quickly. It's not funny, and it never will be funny.

Sirius growls. "Look, can we just focus on the task at hand? I'm trying to enjoy myself, and your emotional shit is getting tiresome."

Remus fights back a smile. Despite Sirius' tone, Remus can tell that his sentiment is understood. "Ok. No more emotional shit."

"Promise?"

"…Promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like tea, so Sirius won't like tea. Why? Because I'm American, which means that I feel the need to project my personal opinions onto the work that I produce. (Subscribe to me for more political humor.)
> 
> Thanks for the support and reassurances! It's really what helped move this chapter along, so muchos kisses for all y'all! :D
> 
>  **IMPORTANT!** If you have any suggestions for what to name the kneazle kittens, please comment them! If I use your suggestion you will get credit! Please send me help, because the best ideas I have so far are Mr. Fuzzbutt, Tinkleton, and Gary.
> 
> And I would rather avoid naming _anything_ Gary.


	3. Weird Names Which Could be Important

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo! I’m baaaaaccckkkk! HA HA HA.

The door to the pet shop swings open with a cheerful chime. Remus takes a quick look around as he walks inside. It's small, a bit cramped, and very colorful. A large sign advertising rabbit adoptions sparkles in the shop's bright lighting.

Sirius lets out a low whistle. "It's very different from the owl emporium, I'll give it that."

A large banging noise causes both boys to jump and grab for their wands. A door at the back of the pet shop opens to reveal someone struggling to carry three large boxes. Sirius calms down before Remus does and rushes to help. Remus lets out a breath and puts his wand back in his pocket, his heart still pounding in his chest. He follows Sirius and tries not to think of Death Eaters and bright green lights and surprise attacks in dark alleyways.

The person carrying the boxes turns out to be a muggle girl wearing a bright pink apron. She gives them both a grateful smile as they each take a box from her. "Thanks so much! Just put them on the counter over there," she tells them.

Remus and Sirius do as they're told. The girl plops her box down next to theirs and goes behind the counter to the cash register. She lets out a tired breath and straightens her apron. "So, what can I help you boys with?"

Sirius flashes her his boyish grin. "Just keep that pretty smile on your face. That should be enough for me."

The girl lets out a huff of laughter and turns to Remus with her hands on her hips. "Is he always like this?"

"You have no idea," Remus grumbles.

The girl chuckles and Remus blushes a bit. Sirius wasn't just teasing, she really is pretty. She has dark brown skin and curly black hair that seems to be trying to escape the bun she has it pulled back in. Her eyes are a beautiful shade of hazel, though Remus can notice the dark circles underneath them. The trademark of a fellow non-sleeper.

Sirius pretends to scoff. "Hey now, that's not fair! I was just complimenting the lady on her exceptional beauty."

The girl gives him a smile. " _Exceptional_  isn't going to get you a discount."

Sirius lightly slaps the counter. "I knew we shouldn't have come here!"

Remus steps forward, figuring he should move in before Sirius really starts chatting her up. "Discounts aside, do you have anything for kittens? We've just adopted three."

The girl's smile immediately widens. "Oh my gosh, that's great! How old are they?"

Remus glances at Sirius, who gives him a shrug. "Um, we're not really sure, but they can eat solid food, so maybe around four weeks old?"

The girl looks back and forth between the two of them. "I assume you adopted them off the street?"

"Yup," Sirius says proudly, sticking his chest out. "Found them myself."

 _Oh bravo,_ Remus thinks. _As if spotting and picking up a cardboard box was really that hero worthy._

The girl nods. "Well, I'm supposed to tell you to bring them into a vet to have them checked for diseases and fleas, as well as get their mandatory shots. It's really a good idea to do that, so I urge you to."

Remus smiles, remembering the quick spell work that Lily had done before they left. "Yes, we've already looked into all that."

"Oh good!" The girl straightens up and claps her hands together. "In that case, let's get you boys sorted out then, shall we?"

Sirius holds his hands up, backing away a bit with a smile. "And now comes the technical stuff, right? I'll leave that to Moony here."

"Moony?" The girl studies Remus. "Is that your name?"

"No, my name's Remus. Moony's just a dumb nickname my friends came up with," Remus tells her as he gives Sirius an annoyed look. He's talked to him before about bringing up the nicknames while in the presence of muggles. It only raises questions that are difficult to answer.

Unless, of course, you're Sirius Black.

"You see, it all started one night when Remus was completely trashed," Sirius says in his best story telling voice.

"Why do all your stories start with someone being completely trashed?" Remus mutters under his breath. It's no use though. Sirius is in his element and the girl is actively listening. Remus mentally prepares himself for the inevitable punchline.

One of the things that a person who is friends with Sirius Black and/or James Potter has to put up with is the constant story telling. Both boys love to be in the center of attention, so it's no surprise that they're fantastic at tale spinning. It doesn't matter if the story is slightly true, half made up, or complete bullshit; just as long as it's entertaining.

And Sirius Black certainly knows how to keep his public entertained. His charming smile and cunning wit mix together to create the perfect image. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's incredibly good looking, though Remus tries to push those particular thoughts to the back of his mind. Both girls and boys fall at Sirius' feet whenever he starts talking. It's always interesting for Remus to watch, from a purely professional viewpoint of course. He's not so pathetic that he would fall all over Sirius at the drop of a hat, no matter what James and his stupid smirks imply.

Remus doesn't know why he's so irritable at the moment. He was fine before coming into the shop, even if he was a little worried about Sirius and his issues with James getting married. Remus watches the way that Sirius talks to the girl, wondering if he's cranky because he's jealous. After all, she is gorgeous. But he should be used to Sirius flirting with girls by now. Why should this time be any different? Then Remus remembers that Sirius hasn't really had the chance to flirt with anyone lately. Nobody Remus knows has much time to do anything nowadays but work, go to Order meetings, and keep their heads down; Sirius and Remus especially. A disowned Black and an out of work werewolf have a lot to hide from.

So, seeing as Remus hasn't seen Sirius flirt with a person that wasn't a close friend in ages, it's only natural that he would feel a bit jealous of his friend's technique and charm.

 _Unless you're actually jealous of the girl,_ the little voice in his head taunts him. Remus quickly grabs that thought and mentally shoves it into a chest he's labelled Things We're Not Allowed to Think About. He notices bitterly that the chest is getting pretty cramped as of late.

"…and before you know it Remus has his knickers around his ankles and is trying to recite a monologue from King Richard III," Sirius says, drawing Remus back into the conversation. "Best bit of Shakespeare I've ever heard, or seen for that matter."

The girl's laughing so hard she's snorting. Remus' cheeks turn red when he realizes that Sirius' story isn't entirely made up. Once, after one too many firewhiskeys during a common room Quiditch party, Remus had drunkenly read aloud Shakespeare to a group of equally drunk Gryffindors. He hadn't been naked though. He'd kept his knickers— _pants_ —on.

"And I believe that's enough out of you," Remus says, gripping Sirius' shoulders and moving him away from the girl. "Go look at the rabbits or something."

"Yes mum," says Sirius cheekily. He throws the girl a wink, shoves his hands in his pockets, and struts towards the back of the shop.

"Have you two known each other for long?" The girl asks Remus.

He nods. "Ever since we were eleven. He was a pain in the arse back then, too."

She smiles, and Remus notices her name-tag. He squints at it, thinking for a moment that it's a foreign name before realizing that it's upside down.

"Um, I believe your tag is…" he starts, pointing towards it.

The girl looks down and blushes. "Oh! I'm such an idiot! That's the second time this week!" She starts fumbling with it, trying to unpin it.

Remus finds her cute. "I thought for a moment you just had a strange name. It's Joy, isn't it?"

Joy nods. "Yup. Not so strange, unless you think having an emotion as a name is weird." She bites her lip and bends her head towards her tag, still struggling with it. "I just…can't…get it…off!"

"Oh, uh, here let me-" Remus moves forward and tries to help her with the pin. It's really twisted and stuck, and pretty soon they're both struggling and laughing about it. Remus is close enough that he's able to see the different colors in her eyes. There's mostly hazel, but he can just make out some flecks of gold.

"You two getting cosy back here?"

Remus jumps away from Joy and turns to find Sirius staring at them with an odd smile on his face. His eyes are flicking back and forth between the two of them.

"I was just helping her with her name-tag," Remus says quickly, feeling as though he should be apologizing for something. He frowns. Why should he apologize? He wasn't doing anything wrong. Why should Sirius get territorial over a girl he just met?

Joy seems to notice it too, but she doesn't say anything. She does move a step away from Remus though. "My name-tag's upside down," she explains as she goes back to fiddling with it, turning her head away for a moment.

Before Remus can say anything, Sirius slips his wand out of his pocket and gives it a quick flick. The clasp on Joy's name-tag comes undone with a pop and she yelps in surprise. When Remus looks back at Sirius, his wand's gone.

Joy looks up at them with wide eyes, pulling the name-tag off her apron. "Did you see that?! It popped right off!"

Sirius smiles. "Just like magic!" He winces when Remus steps on his foot. "Uh, Moony must have loosened it with his…great…strength."

Before Remus can do more physical harm to Sirius' body, Joy grabs his attention by ducking under the counter. "Lemme just grab something for you boys to look at while you're both here…" she says, her voice muffled.

Remus uses the opportunity to give Sirius a glare.

 _"_ _What?"_ Sirius mouths.

Remus glares harder.

Sirius rolls his eyes.  _"She didn't notice."_

Remus is now glaring so hard that he feels as though his eyebrows are morphing together to form a giant unibrow.

Joy suddenly pops up, her dark curls bouncing out of her bun. "Whew! Found it!" She bites her lip and heaves a huge, flat box onto the counter. Dust billows out from it and coats Remus and Sirius, who cough and try to wave it away.

Joy winces. "Sorry! We haven't taken this out in a long time."

Sirius looks down at the box, which is incredibly old looking and covered in strange stains. "How long has this shop been around, exactly?"

"A while," Joy says ominously. She takes the lid off and pulls out several colorful objects.

Remus leans over the counter and takes a good long look at them. "Those are cat collars."

"Yes. Yes they are. How many kittens do you have again?"

Remus watches as Sirius sifts through the collars. He glances up at Joy. "Uh, three." He awkwardly holds up three fingers, and then quickly shoves his hands in his pockets. He pointedly ignores Sirius' snort.

"Well, I can promise you that these collars are very durable and cheap. If you want them that is." She pokes at a bright blue one. "Some cat owners don't buy collars."

Sirius holds up a pink collar with tiny white skulls printed on it. He stares at it for a moment, then looks up at Joy. "We're buying some."

Remus frowns, suddenly realizing something. In adopting the kittens he hadn't really taken into consideration how much all of this is going to cost. Keeping a pet isn't exactly cheap, and they've taken in three. His mind totals up the sums of food, cleaning, and other supplies as he stares at the pink collar in Sirius' hands. Peter's the only person in the flat who makes any real money with his ice cream parlor job. James and Sirius are going through auror school, and Remus can't keep a job for more than a month. How are they going to afford this?

Sirius glances at Remus and seems to know what he's thinking about. He rolls his eyes and reaches a hand into his pocket to pull out a wad of muggle money. Remus' eyes bulge when he looks at it.

Sirius nods at him. "Go ahead and pick out two collars."

Remus swallows and looks over his choices, not really seeing anything because he's too busy thinking of  _where Sirius got all that money_. Images of drug deals and prostitution flash through his mind as he pushes forward two plain collars, red and blue. Sirius adds his pink skull collar to the pile, and Joy quickly rings them up.

"Im assuming you came here for more than just collars, right?" She asks them.

Sirius smiles. "Yeah. We're going to need kitten food and, uh, one of those litter box thingies." He looks at Remus for approval. Remus can only nod blankly at him.

Joy helps them get what they need. While she's putting everything into large bags, Sirius leans forward and reads her newly rightened name-tag. "Joy? Funny name."

Remus wants to sink down onto his knees and bang his head against the checkout counter. Repeatedly.

But Joy just lets out a little laugh. "Yeah, you should meet my sister. Her name's Dorcas."

Both Remus and Sirius flinch. "Dorcas?" They ask at the same time.

Joy nods. "Yup. Dorcas Meadows. We're only half-sisters, you see. I don't know what her mom was thinking naming her that."

Dorcas Meadows. Four years above Remus, Sirius, and Peter. A tall blonde witch with a sharp nose and chin, and one of the best aurors Remus has ever seen. She's a member of the Order as well as a former Slytherin. She had to go into hiding last month because the mix of her Hogwarts' house and present affiliation was getting her negative attention from Death Eaters.

And here's her sister, out in the open, working in an unprotected muggle shop in the middle of London.

Remus sees Sirius lean forward and open his mouth to say something, and he finds himself interrupting. "Your poor sister!" He says it rushed and a bit high-pitched.

If Joy notices their strange reaction to her sister's name, she doesn't show it. She hands them the bags with a smile. "Here you are!"

Remus takes them from her, feeling Sirius' eyes on him. "Thanks. I'm sure we'll be seeing more of each other."

Joy meets his eyes. "I hope so."

 _Christ she's pretty,_ Remus thinks. He jumps when Sirius suddenly clasps a hand on his shoulder, pulling him close.

"Yup, we'll be sure to pop in as often as we can," Sirius says cheerfully, jostling Remus around a bit.

Joy glances at Sirius' arm, and her smile widens a bit. "Looking forward to it," she says, laughter in her voice.

Remus finds himself being steered toward the door of the pet shop, and something strange bubbles up in his stomach. Did Sirius just prevent him from…

 _Prevent you from what?_  The voice in his head asks mockingly.  _Asking her on a date? As if_ you  _would do that. She's much too pretty for you._

The bubbling in his stomach turns to anger. When they exit the shop, Remus wiggles his way out of Sirius' grip, shoves the bags into his hands, then turns and re-enters the shop. He marches up to Joy.

She blinks at him. "Did you need something else?"

Remus suddenly discovers he hadn't really planned out what he was going to say. "No. Well, actually, yes. In a way. Erm…" He forces himself to take a deep breath. "Would you maybe like to, um, go out with me. Some time. In the future. Perhaps."

For a horrible moment, Joy just stares at him. She glances at the door. "Wouldn't that make your boyfriend upset?"

Remus blinks at her. "My what?"

Joy raises her eyebrows, giving him a half amused look. "Your boyfriend. The one with the shaggy hair."

Remus still doesn't really understand. Well, he thinks he still doesn't understand. The little voice in his head is currently laughing its arse off.

"I'm sorry," he begins, "but are you talking about the boy who came in with me?"

Joy nods. "Yes," she says slowly, as if he's an idiot. "Your boyfriend."

It finally clicks. Remus shakes his head hurriedly, putting his hands up. "Oh no! We're not—he's not—I'm not—" he fumbles.

Joy blinks in surprise. "You're not?"

"No!" Remus exclaims with a hysterical laugh. "We're just friends!"

"Really?" Joy looks out the shop window at Sirius, who's watching them with an eyebrow raised, his arms filled with bags. She looks back at Remus, and a strangely thoughtful expression takes over her face. She suddenly smiles, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "In that case…" She slides over a pad of paper and a pen from the side of the counter, and quickly jots down something. She rips off the paper and hands it to Remus. "Here's my address and phone number."

Remus gives her a grateful smile, pocketing the slip of paper. "I guess that means I'll see you soon."

"I guess so!" Joy says, her wide smile still in place.

Remus exits the shop again in high spirits, and ignores the little voice in his head that's still snickering knowingly

:

:

:

"Would you care to tell me what the fuck that was?!"

Remus glances at Sirius, taking in his angry expression as they walk back to the flat. "I asked her if she would like to go out sometime. She said yes." Remus feels a tiny bit of victory when he says this. He supposes it's because Sirius had been flirting with her, yet he was the one who got Joy's address and number.

Sirius glances back at the pet shop over his shoulder. "You shouldn't have done that."

Remus finds himself getting a little mad. "And why not?"

"Because she's related to Meadows. That entire family is supposed to be in hiding," Sirius says with a glare.

Remus turns away from him. "Oh come on, there are millions of people in London. It was probably just a coincidence."

Sirius steps a bit in front so that Remus is forced to look at him. "But how many of those people are named  _Dorcas Meadows?!_  It's not exactly common."

"Your name's Sirius," Remus points out, trying to ignore how immature he sounds.

"Yeah, and I come from a pure blood wizard family. They're all about weird names." Sirius gives him a knowing look. "And your name's Remus."

Remus walks a bit faster, not liking this conversation. "Don't be ridiculous. They look nothing alike."

"They're  _half-sisters!_  They're not supposed to look alike!" Sirius speeds up to Remus' pace. "We need to tell Dumbledore."

Remus snorts. "Dumbledore? So we're going to send the headmaster of Hogwarts an owl saying that we met a muggle girl at a pet shop who just  _might_ be related to a person whose entire family is in hiding? That's stupid! He's a busy man, Sirius. He hardly ever comes to meetings." Remus glances around as he says this, suddenly remembering where they are.

Sirius does the same, then speaks in a quieter tone. "It doesn't have to be Alicia. We could tell Patch-Work."

A while ago, James, Sirius, and Remus had decided to come up with nicknames for all the Order members in case they had to talk about them in public. Alicia is Dumbledore, and Patch-Work is Mad-Eye. They call Mad-Eye Patch-Work because all his injuries make him look as though he's sewn together in patches. They call Dumbledore Alicia because James is fond of the name, and it makes Peter giggle whenever they say it.

"When are you going to tell Patch-Work?" Remus asks testily.

"During auror training. He sometimes helps out with me and James."

"James and I," Remus can't help but correct before he argues further, "no, he would only get paranoid and scare her. We shouldn't bother with it."

"Shouldn't bother with—what the hell is the matter with you?!" Sirius exclaims. "She could be in danger!"

Remus wrinkles his nose. "She's not in any danger. She's perfectly fine."

"And if she's not?! Do you really want to be the person to put her at risk?"

Remus stretches his lips into a tight line and avoids Sirius' gaze. The worse part of this conversation is that he secretly agrees with everything that Sirius is saying. Yes, he's being stupid. Yes, he shouldn't have asked that girl on a date. Yes, they should be contacting the Order, just in case this turns out to be something dangerous. But Remus isn't going to do any of those things. This is the first time that he's ever really worked up the nerve to indulge himself in something that he wants, and if asking Joy Meadows out on a date is something that he wants, then fuck it all, he's going to do it. Sirius had thrown him off with his flirtation and then getting all territorial, as if he didn't want Remus to ask Joy out  _before_  he learned of her last name. It was dumb and childish, but not as dumb and childish as physically dragging Remus out of the shop. That played a larger part of Remus asking Joy out than he'd care to admit. And maybe it is immature, and maybe he is being too stubborn, but he's not going to let himself regret his decision.

"I'm not going to be the person putting her at risk because she's not at any risk," Remus tells Sirius coldly. He slowly puts his hands in his pockets and curls his fist around the slip of paper that holds Joy's address and phone number.

Sirius stops in his tracks, which makes Remus stop along with him. "Since when did you start breaking the rules?!" Sirius spits out.

"Since when did you start following them?!" Remus snaps right back. "And don't chide me over the rules. Thanks to you, I've broken too many of them to count." He turns away and begins to storm back to the flat, not caring if Sirius follows.

"Yes, but you've always been the one to pull me back when I went too far."

Remus finds himself stopping in his tracks because Sirius had said that so softly, so carefully, as if it was something important. And maybe it  _is_ something important. He turns around and looks at Sirius, who's standing there on the street holding way too many bags and wearing a look that's way too guarded. "I didn't always pull you back," Remus finds himself saying. "There were plenty of times I just let you do whatever you wanted."

"True, but you were never careless," Sirius says with a shrug. He takes a few steps forward, but still leaves plenty of space between them. Remus tries very hard not to think of that as symbolic of their friendship.

He turns away, still trying to be angry. "Maybe I want to be careless for once. I think I've earned it, after all that's been going on."

"That's incredibly selfish of you, don't you think?" Sirius says, the edge creeping back into his voice.

"Oh, so now I'm selfish?"

"You've never been before. Why start now?"

Remus throws up his hands. "Right. Of course. God forbid Remus Lupin gets something he wants for once. The fucking world might collapse."

"Don't twist my words, you know that's not what I meant," growls Sirius.

"Then what did you mean?! My life has been shit lately, and I don't need you making it any shittier." Remus balks a bit after he says that, realizing how it sounded. That was unnecessarily harsh.

Sirius notices it too, and seems to reel back a bit. But, as always, he comes back swinging with narrowed eyes and a tense jaw. "And how, exactly, have I made your life shitty? By giving you a place to live? By paying for your expenses? By fucking  _caring_  for you?!"

Remus refuses to be cowed. "Oh shut up, you know I'm grateful for your help." He sneers at Sirius. "And speaking of expenses, where the hell did you get all that muggle money?"

Sirius' eyes widened, and he lets out an angry laugh. "Where did  _you_ think I got it?"

"I don't know! That's why I'm asking you!"

"Oh really?! Cuz you sound like you have a few good ideas on where I got it!"

Remus scoffs. "Don't play the injured innocent. It doesn't look good on you."

Sirius shifts the bags he's carrying so he can point one accusing finger at Remus. "I knew it! You think I did something illegal!"

"It's not as if your past actions have led me to think otherwise!" Remus practically shouts. He notices with a twinge of cruel victory that Sirius deflates a bit at that.

"If you  _must_  know," Sirius begins, "I got it right after graduation." He notices Remus' confused look and sighs. "Back around the Christmas of sixth year, after I had run away, I looked at my situation and put two and two together. I knew my parents were either going to cut me off or disown me. I spent that Christmas with James, and we both snuck off to Gringotts to withdraw a large sum of money from my family's vault. I made a separate account that I ensured my parents could not touch. When we graduated, I knew I was going to live in London, so I transferred half of my account into muggle money. I paid for the flat with that, and took a lot of it out for day to day expenses and things." Sirius glances at Remus and snorts. "Don't look so surprised. I am capable of thinking practically, once in a blue moon."

Remus decides to ignore the pun in favor of staring wide eyed at Sirius. "You thinking practically doesn't surprise me. I just never knew that you-"

"Yeah, well, I don't tell you everything," Sirius interrupts, his voice low and his tone dark.

Remus knows this, of course he knows this. He knows that Sirius keeps his secrets to himself, and he knows that Sirius would rather confide in James than anyone else, but it still hurts.

Remus coughs a bit, and Sirius snaps his gaze over to him. He frowns. "Look, I didn't mean that-"

"No, it's fine. I get it," Remus says hurriedly. He realizes that neither of them have been walking towards the flat for awhile now, so he turns and continues on his way.

There's a bit of a delay before Sirius catches up with him this time. They walk in silence for a bit before Sirius says, "I just don't want you to-"

"To get hurt?" Remus feels like laughing. "As if I'm so safe now."

"You are," Sirius says, his voice surprisingly firm.

Remus keeps his eyes on the sidewalk beneath his feet. "Really? How am I safe?"

"You're with us."

Remus raises his head. Sirius is giving him a smile. It's small, but it looks determined. He finds himself returning it easily.

"Yeah. I suppose you're right."

After all, where would Remus be without his friends? They're probably the only reason why he hasn't killed anyone yet. They've gone to hell and back for him, and he would do the same in a heartbeat.

The flat comes into sight. Remus is suddenly uncomfortable. They're not exactly fighting anymore, but there's still a bit of tension in the air. He decides to try and lighten the mood. "You know, a funny thing happened when I asked Joy out," he starts.

Sirius doesn't look at him. "What?"

They reach the doorstep, and Remus starts searching his pockets for the key at he talks. "Apparently, she thought we were a couple." He chuckles a bit.

"And?"

Remus looks up sharply. Sirius is staring at him, his expression unreadable. He frowns a bit. "And…nothing, really. I told her no. We're just friends."

Sirius nods and turns towards the door. "Right."

Remus studies him, unsure of what to say. Isn't this something they would usually laugh about? He swallows, suddenly nervous. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before tentatively asking, "Are we?"

Sirius looks at him. "What?"

"Are we…"  _Just friends?_

Sirius stares at him for a moment, then slowly moves closer. Remus' mouth dries up. He wants to take a step away, but his body seems frozen. Sirius looks on the verge of saying something, something important, but then he seems to see something in Remus' expression. He closes his mouth and gives Remus a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Come on, let's get these bags inside before the weight takes off my arms." He moves away and pulls his own key out of his pocket.

Remus flounders for another moment before getting his wits back. "The bags aren't that heavy," he says lamely.

Sirius unlocks the door easily. "Easy for you to say. You didn't carry any of them." He heads inside, leaving Remus staring after him on the doorstep. After a moment, Remus follows, not really sure what just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the classic and overused scenario of, “Wait, you aren’t dating?” Sigh. Ain’t you guys glad I have such an original sense of humor?
> 
> Ok, a few things to talk about. First of all, thank you guys so much for all the name suggestions for the kneazles, and I have indeed picked winners. I had hoped to involve them in this chapter, but it was getting too long and I wanted to end it here. Winners will be announced next time!

**Author's Note:**

> Jesus H. Christ. That was something that happened.
> 
> If you liked this, please let me know. I need to know whether this is an idea worth pursuing because I'm a clingy little geek who needs the constant reassurance that my stuff is worth giving a crap about. Pity me.


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